Being hurt by people we love is incredibly difficult to handle and doesn’t seem to get much easier with age. The relationships that make us feel good also have the potential to make us feel really terrible. We have people in our lives that we love deeply and they are also the ones who seemingly have the power to hurt us. Yet in reality it is only us who have the power over our emotions, no one else can make us feel anything. It is our reaction to situations and other people that affect how we feel. So if we are in control of our emotions, what can we do when we are upset by someone else’s behavior?
Firstly remember people are not their behaviors, we all have times when we are going through difficult situations and are not acting as our best self. If we were to be judged by how we acted on our worst day we would not come out of it very favorably.
It’s probably not about you. One of my favorite and most helpful books that I regularly recommend is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz the 2nd Agreement affirms that when someone hurts us it is always about the other person and should not be taken personally.
It’s often not the offending party’s deliberate aim to hurt us. People are in their own world getting on with their lives and may not have the self awareness to see that we are being hurt by their words or actions.
Forgiving quickly and not holding on to hurts is a vital part of having a happy life. If something from the past needs to be dealt with, then go ahead and do that, but if it is something we have already decided to let go of, then it should stay in the past. We cannot move forward if we are constantly dragging around old baggage.
I come across so many people who are being hurt every day by their choice to hang on to pain, to re-live and to feed it so that it becomes their constant companion.
Dealing with the issue of forgiveness of people we love is tough, uncomfortable and embarrassing at times. Yet that small amount of discomfort is so worth it if we value our relationships.